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Monday, July 27, 2009

Ants, the Beach, and more

ANTS: I hate ants. I know that on some level they have some sort of ecological meaning and without them the whole world would be different, however, I hate them. It seems this year that my home has been hit pretty hard by them. They are everywhere all the time. I'll be sitting on the couch and suddenly one is climbing on my arm, laying in bed, and yup, there's another one walking on my pillow. The kid's eating area, no matter how much I pick up, seems to continue to attract them, as does the kitchen, eventhough no food is left out! And what's most frustrating is that I can't seem to find their source and get rid of them. Even worse, I've had terminex for a year now and it doesn't really seem to be any better. So I'm planning on cancelling them and looking for something else, especially something that can be safely used inside the house. But as it is, at this moment, I hate ants.

THE BEACH: Now the beach, I love! I took the kids on Friday for the first time and we had such a great time. My little guy, Joshuah Samuel, absolutely loved it. He was ready to go running off into the water immediately and I had to slow him down and explain that he couldn't do that. He actually ended up rolling in the water a couple of times and, although surprised, didn't cry or ask to get out.


Samantha had a lot of fun too. She was a little hesitant at first, but was quickly enjoying the water too. She most enjoyed it when we all sat together and let the waves come up to us. At one point she must have been so comfortable (and tired) that she dozed off sitting between my legs as the water came up around her. What she most enjoyed, I think though, was the sand. Playing in it and, ugh, eating it! I would turn around and she would be shoveling a handful in her mouth. I was so upset, but was mostly too late to do anything as it was quite difficult to get the sand out of her mouth. She thought it was pretty fun and funny.





We all got a little burned, me especially. I made sure to cover them with sun protection and didn't apply any to myself. I don't know if the spray stuff doesn't work as well or if I didn't put enough on or something, but the kids were a little toasty. But all is well now.


AND MORE: So I want to and need to feed my kids better and more nutritious meals. Due to a lot of things, I've let our meals become too often based on what's quick and easy. Unfortunately that's lead to far more meals of premade, processed, stuff. Now that's not bad once in a while, but for me, I'm not comfortable with it. I've also been way to lax on including enough veggies. We're great on fruit, no problem there, but we need a lot more in the veggie area and more homemade stuff. I tried once to preplan my whole week and shop that way and was pleasantly surprised by how well the meal planning and completion went. I think this is the way my friend does her menus and I love to hear about her meals. I know it just takes making the time to figure out what were going to have and then actually preparing to make it. So I think I'm going to try that. I also love my crockpot and need to utilize it more. My problem, I think, is that I also love cookbooks so I end up looking through them and not focusing on picking out good, simple meals. The more complex it is, the less likely I'm going to come home and do it, right?


This morning, I made something out of the Deceptively Delicious cookbook. It was basically french toast with banana puree. Nothing earthshattering, because I can definitely get my kids to eat fruit, but I wanted to go with something that I was pretty sure would go over well. Ultimately the french toast was okay, it needed a little more cinammon and probably the bread needed to soak a little more. But Joshuah asked for seconds, and Samantha did too, although she didn't really seem to be eating much. I'll keep you posted! Maybe I'll be like that movie coming out (Julie and Julia) and post about my trials and triumphs in cooking better food for my family!


Until then...

Monday, July 13, 2009

Vulnerability

I've been thinking about the idea of vulnerability a lot lately. I don't know that I've ever been completely vulnerable with anyone, and although I don't know exactly what that would feel like, I have been feeling like I am missing out on something. In completing my adoption home study, I've had to share and explore a lot of my life and things that I would consider private. I suppose I could've been a little less forthcoming with all the information, after all, they don't know one thing from the next, but I really wanted to just lay it all out. For good or for bad, I didn't want to have to think about what I was saying. Now luckily, I don't have any major skeletons in my closet, and it's easy to be honest in a homestudy that no one (at least no one that knows me) will have access to. But it started me thinking about why I hold back so much.

Even in this blog, I haven't really done much with it, and only one person really knows that I have a blog. But really, what's the point of having something like this if I don't write, really write about my life. After all, that's the title of this whole thing. And when I read the blogs of my friends, I'm so impressed with their honesty and ability to be vulnerable. But I think I've always been too concerned with the opinion of others, and I'm just wondering why. What's the point? Why should they matter? Even in a previous post, I think I wrote about how I couldn't even be vulnerable with God, and kept separate journals. Really! As if God doesn't know it all anyway.

But this thing about vulnerability, I think about it a lot. I'll be hanging out with a friend and know that...not that I'm lying, but just that I'm holding back. I'm completely aware of this, but don't know how to change it. I want to, but just don't quite know how. And if I'm actually going to head into new relationships, I really have to figure this out. I don't want to let the past invade the future, but thinking about how much it hurts to be open to someone and then hurt by them, well, it certainly puts a dent in the desire to do it all over again. But I think I'm there. I'm ready. I want to be who I am, whatever that may look like. I'm going to figure out how to do that because it's suddenly become very important to me.