Recent Going-ons...

It's been a while since I've been here. Well, actually it's been a while since I've posted anything, but I've been here quite a bit. Checking on the blogs of others, and thinking about different posts I wanted to do. Somehow, they just never quite made it to the posting board. Oh well!

We've had a busy few months since my last post. I'm happy to say that the ant situation seems to have gotten itself under control. I can't say whether it was because of anything I did, but I know that I tried a few 'natural' remedies as well as having Mr. Z (the ex-husband/kid's dad) applying the, ah, less natural remedies of pest control. Either way, whether it be the change in season or the various remedies, the ants are mostly gone. They still show up in random spots in random numbers, but I think that's life.

As for the rest, here's a quick glimpse of some of the things we've done recently:

Joshua's dentist appointment. It's not his very first one, but it's the first one that's included a real cleaning and x-rays! He did great and had no cavities! Yay! Samantha has a dentist appointment coming up too, but I'm trying to decide whether to take her to this local dentist or take her to the dentist at Children's Hospital LA. Since she'll eventually need braces and surgery for her cleft, I'm leaning towards the CHLA one so that all her visits will have been at one place, but I'm not sure if it's necessary to drive out there for regular cleanings and what not. Decisions, decisions. I have until December to decide since that's when her's is scheduled at CHLA so far.

Soccer! Soccer! And more Soccer!! This is Joshua's second year playing soccer and this year he's on an actual team. Last year was more small groups of 4, parent lead, and small scrimmages (if you can call them that) after 45 minutes of 'practice/lesson' time. This year, we practice once a week and then play a game on Saturdays. He's been doing well, although I'm not sure if soccer will be his sport. It's really hard to say since he's only 5 and I don't think he really 'gets' the point of the game entirely. He seems to enjoy playing, although he's definitely still timid when the ball and the group of kids but he's getting better and he scored his first goal at our last game. Although I guess technically he has scored before, only accidentally for the other team! Haha!

This has been a different year for me too, since I am team parent this year. It's been fun, for the most part, and I'm really enjoying it! I'm also learning a lot which is great, since I may want to try my hand at coaching once Samantha starts playing, for which she is very anxious. Or I may decide to continue as team parent for their teams. I don't know yet, and luckily don't have to know yet. :)

Joshua started kindergarten. This has been an interesting transition for us. I knew he was smart and was pretty sure he'd do well academically, which he is. However, he's a bit ahead of the game in terms of what they're learning right now, and is already bored and his behavior has reflected that some. Apparently he likes to make people laugh and is quite the silly and vocal boy. This does not translate well in a class of 28 5 year olds however. Luckily we've been blessed with a wonderful teacher who recognizes that he's bored and is a good kid and has been working with him to help him be successful. Success being reaching green days and completing his work. He decided early on that he knew what he was doing and therefore didn't really need to do it anymore. We've passed that hurdle and he understands that he has to do his work, but we're really struggling with the constant chatter, humming, singing, noise making, etc., etc. Since it's been brought to my attention, I have payed more attention at home and realized that my boy is CONSTANTLY vocalizing something. He loves to sing and is making up little ditties left and right, or he's suddenly seemed to come into his own mind and feels he needs to respond to everything, or just hum along while he works. So we're all working together to try to help him increase his self control. I know he'll get there, and this is definitely another lesson for me on patience and acceptance. I've had a very hard time with his struggle, so am working on being all that he needs me to be for him.

To celebrate Joshua's start of kindergarten I redid his room with some paper crafting art and my cricut. He was very excited and seemed to enjoy the robot theme. Yay!

And the pictures I made. :)

Going for a hike in Eaton Canyon. I love the kid's adventurous spirits!

A trip to Ports-o-call in San Pedro.

Well I'm sure there's more I can add, but that's just a little bit of our lives the last few months. Yay! Until my next post... :)

Lessons from Antville

So I've got ants. Those small little black bugs, with little bitty legs that seem able to appear from anywhere or nowhere. I could be sitting on a chair, seemingly antless, when suddenly out of nowhere, what should appear? One little ant calmly walking across my arm. It's amazing what I would do to go back to those days.

Now, it's a full frontal invasion. They sometimes appear to be pouring out of the walls. I may look for that ever hidden entry way, only to see that they look like they're coming in from EVERYWHERE. Sometimes it's hundreds (maybe thousands) and sometimes it's 20, maybe even a few. But I DON'T THINK I CAN TAKE IT ANYMORE.

I've tried to be philosophical, and tell myself "at least it's not OTHER bugs" and "it's only a season" and "they'll eventually be gone". I've tried to be proactive. Z has been spraying diligently, and I've been making sure food's put away or closed up, and the counters are wiped down and dishes done. We've completely cleaned Samantha's room since quite a few seemed to be going in there, and put a line of baking soda around the floor. Which would work except they're coming from the wall or ceiling (how that can be, I don't know). When I woke up yesterday and they were covering the ENTIRE kitchen trash can and walking up the cupboard wall, and across the ceiling by the cupboards and through a little hole, I stayed calm and figured, well at least I've discovered an opening. But when they were biting my legs last night as I tried to scrapbook (I discovered a little line on the floor!) I thought ENOUGH! And I began considering going with an exterminator just to relieve some of the problem.

This morning I woke up at about 5 a.m. in extreme pain and barely able to move due to a muscle spasm or something in my neck/upper back. I quickly realized that driving wasn't going to be an option since I could barely move my head and today became a work from home day. Luckily my schedule wasn't too full and my supervisees were willing to come to my house or reschedule. Samantha quickly realized something was wrong with me and asked if she could pray for me, and then ran to get her Bible to help too. (Such a sweet girl!) She grabbed her Princess devotional book and asked me to read a page and what do you think it was about? ANTS!!! I couldn't believe it, but there it was:

"Go watch the ants, you lazy person. Watch what they do and be wise. Ants have so commander. They have no leader or ruler. But they store up food in the summer. They gather their supplies at harvest. How long will you lie there, you lazy person? When will you get up from sleeping? You sleep a little; you take a nap. You fold your hands and rest. So you will be as poor as if you had been robbed. You will have as little as if you have been held up." Proverbs 6:6-11

The following devotional talked about how Solomon wants us to get better at doing the work that needs to be done...if you know what your job is, just do it. Stop complaining, etc. The devotional tells the little girls to "be an ant today" look around for things that need to be done and DO THEM.

I was struck by how much this could apply to me!! I can't tell you how long my to-do list is. How many years I've been 'meaning' to get something done. And yet, I've been able to mark so little off my list. Why? Because I wait, I'm always waiting. For the right moment, the right help, for Z to agree to it's a good plan, to not be so tired....I could come up with a million reasons (ahem, excuses) as to why my list remains so long. I so often look around and see what needs to be done, and I IGNORE it! I don't know why. I just do. From the simple picking up the paper on the floor, to the redoing of a bookshelf. I just don't do it. And then I'm frustrated with myself, with my house, with everything, for not being the way I want it to be.

Even in my work, I need a little more work to make ends meet a little more comfortably. But I'm not doing anything about it. I sit around daydreaming rather than working to make something change. In my ministry, there are things that need to be done, but I am not as proactive as I'd like to be.

My house is not going to magically become the house of my dreams. And due to various reasons (primarily financial) there are many projects that just cannot get done. But there's no reason the walls can't be painted, or curtains can't be made. I've had a pillowcase hanging in my kitchen door window for YEARS as I waited to make one. I've got a sewing machine, lots of fabric, and even if none of that fabric works, a yard or two of fabric wouldn't cost much. And why hasn't it been done? I DON'T KNOW!! I tell myself, that I can't do it when the kids are awake, but then I can't do it when they're asleep. I don't have the space, I don't have the time, I don't have, I don't have.

EXCUSES, EXCUSES, EXCUSES. I'm so tired of myself and my excuses! If I don't have it's because I haven't gotten, or I haven't created, or I haven't done. Yes, I may not be able to afford to replace the kitchen cupboards, and they're really not worth painting. But if that's my only option to recreate the kitchen, than why not? Instead of being a "lazy person" and sitting around waiting for something to happen, I need to keep working. A little bit everyday will make huge changes. Get off the computer! Put the book down! It's hot, oh well! We have no air conditioning, oh well! Come on! Let's move. Maybe then, I'll see some changes. Maybe then I'll lose some weight. Maybe then I'll make some more money. Time will tell, but really, it's time to do something. Again. And that, Grasshopper, are my lessons from antville.

Let the summer begin!! :)

It's time for camp again and I am both very excited for it to begin and anxiously awaiting its end. I love camp and being able to direct such a wonderful camp for foster kids is so very near and dear to me. But at the same time, this year, I'm really tired. There've been so many changes in my life and so many things I've been wanting to do that the pressure and responsibilities of camp have piled upon me in such a different way from previous years. There was a moment last week when I couldn't imagine directing another camp again. And yet, the idea of not directing camp each year makes me so sad. But deciding to basically go into business for myself, and to work fewer hours means that a) I no longer have paid vacation time; and b) I'm regularly earning less to be able to save for the personal cost of this camp. And given that I don't have paid vacation and/or sick time, if I'm going to take any time off of work, I want to be able to take a vacation with BOTH of my children. It just isn't feasible or ideal to take both kids with me to camp, and I don't want to leave Joshua anymore, so it looks like my time as director of camp is going to be drawing to a close. I don't know when, I'm figuring a year or two more, but I need to start praying some more and listening to see what God has planned for me.

I'm also excited to come back from camp and get to work on the many home projects and tasks that I've been thinking about and planning for. I'm going to be redoing Joshua's room for his entry into 'big boy world' of elementary. I'm going to be using my Cricut and creating some wall art and possibly even some new bedding. I'm going to freshen up the paint in his room, and finally hang his curtains properly, and redo his bookshelf. I'm excited. His room has never been done intentionally for him. When I separated the kids into their own rooms, he got the decorations that were purchased for the room I did to begin accepting foster kids, which were neutral but more boyish overall. Whereas Samantha at that time, got new decorations and bed linens for her girl room. I am also going to create a little something for Samantha's room, but mostly some wall art with her name, I think, as well well as redoing the bookshelf in the garage for her.

I've got some gardening plans, ideas for the rest of the rooms in the house, as well as an extreme itch to make time to be more creative. I want to regularly work on my scrapbooks, do some paper crafting with my Cricut, and my newest desire is to make some hair bows, barrettes, and head bands for Samantha. I can't wait to get some ribbon and supplies and get going. I'm looking forward to having other craft ideas to work on for those days I don't want to lug all my scrapbook supplies to my Scrap & Craft events.

I'm also going to begin scheduling regular activities for us to do in the afternoons this summer. We're signing up for the kid's library reading program and activity program, as well as setting up the pool in the yard to use more regularly (not a very large one (12 ft, I think) but one that uses a little pump/filter so that we can keep it up throughout the summer (we'll see). I've got a new bike and a trailer for Samantha, and we're going to be searching out some bike paths to enjoy, as well as small hikes and what not. I'm so excited to spend more intentional time with my kids. It'll be good for all of us.

And then we're planning a vacation for August during the 1st of 3 weeks between Samantha's summer school program and regular school program. I think we're going to go down to San Diego for a night or two and visit Sea World and possibly Lego Land. I'm not sure we can afford both, so I'm currently looking into it. We're also going to go down to Temecula for a day or two to stay with a friend of mine and her children. Possibly go to the beach for the day, spend some time at the community pool, etc. I'm also signing the kids up for their first set of swimming lessons and looking forward to see how they learn some new skills.

And then there's the start of Joshua's year of kindergarten. I'm so excited for that. Joshua is so smart with so much potential, and I'm eager to see how he grows and learns in school. And to be able to help in the classroom and school will be a fun new experience for me too, I think. So there's lot's to look forward to in the next few months and I'm excited to be at camp and excited to be back. Let the summer begin!!! :)

Preparing for Kindergarten

So Joshua graduated from preschool yesterday and I am so excited for him and for what's to come. I've often said how frustrating I've found his preschool and how much I was looking forward to when he started kindergarten. He's been at a federally/state funded program since before we finalized and I have considered multiple times changing his program. It's a Highscope program, and although it may be good, I couldn't really say since I know nothing about it, or I should say I only know what I've looked up myself. It seems to be a bit like a montessori, which to my mind basically means that the kids can pick what they want to do and focus on what they want. I've never understood these programs because life isn't like that, and my experience with adults who have been schooled in this type of program has been...difficult to say the least. And I just feel like he's such a smart boy and I want him to learn all he can and all he needs and I was just never sure of what he was doing at school and I'm just that parent who wants to know and to be involved as much as possible and appropriate, but this program didn't allow for any of that and I found it frustrating.

Now though, Joshua is moving on. He graduated yesterday, and today had his kindergarten testing and I learned that he seems to have learned enough to move on. He identified all his letters, except K, I think, which he initially said X. He self corrected on a couple of letters. He identified his numbers 1-10, and counted up to 20 with no problem. He identified his colors, and shapes, although he kept calling the circle and 'O', and only seemed to stumble when he was supposed to identify the different word out of "little, little, kitten, little" and "come, came, come, come" and one other I don't remember. The teacher asked his which one was different and he looked and looked and then asked, "different starts with d, right?" Poor baby, he was looking for the word, 'different' versus which word was not the same as the others. And then there was the 4 pictures where he had to say what was happening in each picture. He was pretty basic with his statements and the teacher said that he needed to work on 'speaking in full sentences'. Which is funny given how much he speaks and how well he generally does.

I'm excited to see how much he learning expands and how excited he is at his new skills. I'm also really excited to be more involved and help out in the classroom. Now something I have to think about it that the one kindergarten teacher who is returning is pregnant and will be out the first two months of school, the other teacher is a new teacher, but I think only new to the school not the district. I think I would rather him be with the same teacher all year round than have a new teacher two months into the year, right? Oy vey, so much to think about.

But we're excited for it all and we'll see what's what starting August 29th!!! Yay!! :)

Missing Church

It's Sunday morning and I am sitting in the backyard writing a post for my blog. The church service I usually attend started 12 minutes ago, and I'm currently wearing sweats and an old t-shirt watching my kids play in the yard. I wonder what song they're singing and who is preaching. I think it's Alan, since his last day at the church is in two weeks and I'm sort of wishing I had forced myself to go to church today since this will be the last time in a long while that he will probably be at the church to preach and he's a great preacher.

But force myself is what I would've had to do to go to church today. I just wasn't feeling it today. They say that's when you should really go, when you really don't want to. But this morning I thought of all the reasons I didn't feel like it:

1. I was tired. Well, I'm tired everyday and that's not likely to change. And it's not like I'm sleeping in anyway, right?

2. My kids had had little to no time to play and relax so far this weekend. We were busy Friday night with Samantha's dress rehearsal, then all day Saturday running errands and shopping, and then today was going to be set up as first church, then lunch, then nap, then getting Samantha ready for her recital, and then the recital and then dinner and bed. I wanted them to play this morning.

3. It's day two of my period and that's the worse day. Enough said.

4. I miss being unknown. Being in a large ministry role and quasi-staff role at the church removes an anonymity and I have to be "on" whenever I'm in church. I just feel "off" today.

5. I want to start some work on a yard project I'm interested in. Of course I'm not really working on the project at all right now, not to say I can't start in a minute...

So those are just a few of the reasons or thoughts that went through my head as I lay in bed this morning waiting for my Princess, sleeping next to me to wake up. Or as I pretend to sleep each time Joshua comes to my room because I don't want to get up and 'deal' yet. And as all these thoughts go through my head I also keep an eye on the countdown clock going on in my head. The one that keeps saying you have 30 minutes before it'll be too late to get up and make it. You have 20 minutes before it'll be to late to get up and make it. You have 5 minutes before it'll be too late to get up and make it. And then...well, it's too late. I never actively made the decision but my non-decision was the decision.

And then the guilt starts. Is there ever a good reason to skip church? Well, sure, illness, trips out of town, emergencies, etc. Today certainly does not qualify as any of these, so now I'm sort of feeling badly. When the kids ask if we're going to church and I say "No, Mommy's not feeling too well." Although it's the truth...I certainly could've gotten us there.

So, here we are, the kids are playing outside, we've had bowls of cereal for breakfast, and I'm updating this neglected blog, and have downloaded a new book for my kindle. And I keep thinking, 'we should've just gone to church'. But I can't deny I'm happy to be home. It's a conundrum for me today. Well, there's always next week. We'll definitely make it next week. :)

All Mine!!

So today I scheduled my last payment for my car. It's very exciting and a little unnerving. I don't know why unnerving exactly, but it just sort of is. This was the first (and will be the LAST) car I leased. I have always talked everyone I know out of leasing, and was completely and totally against it. But then a few years ago I found myself in need of another car, and wanting to get into a newer car, and particularly a Honda. I love Hondas. I find them very dependable and with the kids, wanted a dependable and safe car. I wanted an Odyssey, and still want one, but wasn't able to afford one either to purchase or to lease. And then I took a look at the CRV. I loved it. I still wanted my minivan, but also realized that the CRV would force me to say no to various things and that maybe I needed something to limit me in some ways. And when I considered my needs, I realized that the CRV was the perfect size for my little family and would be fine as the kids grew. When the numbers were crunched (after adding some money due to my old car) the lease payment was still going to be more than I would've liked to pay, but it was doable and would allow me to get a car I wanted.

Of course almost from the moment I signed, I realized that leasing was just dumb. I planned from the beginning to buy the car at the end of the lease, and knew that in total I would only be paying a few thousand more than sticker price, but with depreciation, it was just not smart to lease. But what was done was done, and I was, and have been, pretty happy with my car. And now, it's mine. I own a 2008 Honda CRV and I expect that it will last quite a while. And although I still miss my minivan occasionally and long for that Odyssey, I am blessed and happy to own my CRV. Yay me! Now just to pay off that mortgage... :)

Let them eat cake...

Cake that I made, I hope!

When I was growing up my mom made the birthday cake for my party every single year. It was a boxed cake mix, the store frosting, the words created with either those little candy letters or the tubes of gel. It was nothing fancy...but oh how I loved my cake! Every single year. Each year I got to pick out my flavor, the type of frosting and what I wanted on the cake. The fact that my mom made it for me, made a point of making sure I got something unique that I wanted for my birthday always made me feel very special.

I always imagined that when I had kids I would do the same thing. I eagerly anticipated the idea of making a special birthday cake for my kids for their birthdays. When celebrating Joshua and Samantha's birthdays in the past, I decided to buy one large cake from Costco. I was hosting one party for both their birthdays since they were born about 3 weeks apart, and didn't think one basic homemade cake would be enough, and honestly...deep down I think I was a little worried about how it would appear since every party I'd gone to seemed to have fancy store bought cakes or really creative homemade ones. I didn't want to fail or pale by comparison. It's funny, because I used to have such confidence in my creative skills, from cooking to baking, to decorating, and creating. But I've found that over the years, it's just one more area that I seem to have lost my confidence...but that's a post for another day...

Anyway, this past year, I decided enough was enough. I wanted to bake my kid's birthday cake. But more than that, I wanted to be able to make something individually special for each one of them. Even though we will celebrate their birthdays together, I wanted them to feel like it was still their own individual special day and one way to do that was to make a cake for each one of them. I wanted to be able to make something that looked good though, too. Although I've made previous cakes and decorated them in 'more decorative' ways, I wanted to learn how to create more. I had watched a good friend of mine explore cake decorating and loved what she was doing, I've seen my friend make really fun cakes for her kid's birthdays, and I wanted to do that. So I decided to expand what knowledge I may have already had and take a cake decorating class. Of course the class I found didn't start until AFTER Joshua and Samantha's birthday party for this year.

I decided though, not to let that stop me and decided to make a batch of buttercream frosting from scratch, and make their cakes. Here's what came of it...

This is Samantha's cake (strawberry)

Joshua's cake (chocolate)

Both cakes with the batches of cupcakes made for our guests...

And the kid's enjoying their cakes.

I love that picture! Growing up my brother and I were often allowed, and in fact encouraged, to take a big bite out of our cakes before they were sliced and served. It was really funny because no one encouraged them to do this, I just turned around and there they were eating their cakes. Priceless! So, I made these cakes and they were really tasty, and the frosting, while messy to make, is really GOOD! The decorating was 0kay, but I was pretty eager to take a class to learn more.

My classes started and here are the results so far.

Week one: create a pattern using a cookie cutter and them fill in using a tip and colored frosting of choice.

Week 2: a little cake carving, use of a particular gel to make the windows, and then using a similar but larger tip to cover the car.

Different view of week 2.

Week 3: I both loved and hated this week!

I finally felt like I was learning some new skills, but was really frustrated when I couldn't do them as easily or well as I wanted (I tend to have high expectations of myself). The flowers were harder than I anticipated, and the set up of the class didn't allow for me to practice and do as much as I wanted to. The instructor kept telling me to 'SLOW DOWN' which is my theme apparently! It also made me realize that the type of class I really wanted was one where we weren't necessarily making an actual cake every week, but spending our time learning how to make and practice multiple and multiple flowers, and using the different tips, and smooth the frosted cake. But that's not this class, which is okay.

I've started looking for a book on how to make buttercream flowers and haven't found one yet, but did discover some how to videos on youtube and I plan to work with those. So I'm still excited about my class (although altogether with supplies each week, it's kinda expensive), and looking forward to learning how to make roses next week. And more than that, I'm really looking forward to making pretty, yummy, and creative cakes for my kids and others in the future.

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl!

My Princess is three today. I know most parents say this, but I can't help but think it's really true, time really goes fast. It seems as if it were just yesterday that I was meeting my beautiful baby girl and today she is this amazing little girl with such a spunky and joyful spirit. She has such a personality and is so loving, and kind, and smart, and utterly amazing. I love her independent she is, and then how quickly she switches to my Sweetheart who loves to cuddle and be cuddled. I called her my big girl today, and she said, "But Mommy, I'm still little enough for you to pick up, right?" To which I replied, "Of course!"

I could write a million things about her and never cover the things, big and small, that make me so happy and blessed to be her Mother. I wanted to write more and post some pictures but I'm exhausted after Samantha and Joshua's combined birthday party on the 5th, dealing with the subsequent flu Joshua was hit with after his party (fever, throwing up, coughing, etc.), making time to visit my grandmother in the hospital after she fell on the 3rd and broke her hip and had surgery on the 5th, and then party and general cleanup today the 6th. Which happens to by Samantha's birthday and mine. Oh yeah, that's right, today's my birthday too. It's such an awesome thing to share that with her too. So I guess I'll post more later. :)

Happy Birthday Joshua!

Today my baby boy turns 5. I can't believe how quickly time has flown by. He is an amazing child and I am truly, truly blessed to be his Mother. Joshua is smart and funny; handsome and amusing; silly and quick to laugh. Those are all traits make for a kid that's fairly good to be around. But what I'm most proud of, and what brings such joy to my heart, is the kind, loving, and generous heart he has. He loves Jesus and prays for those around him. He wants to make sure his sister is included in fun activities and he often gives into her when she wants something (both a good and not so good thing, but his heart is in the right place). When planning his birthday celebration for school he wanted to be sure that his sister would be able to have a cupcake too. Whenever we get there to pick him up and it's snack time, he jumps up from his chair to share his snack with her. He regularly and frequently pauses to tell me he loves me, and will gently stroke my hand or arm when next to me. He is such a loving boy.

He is such a BOY. Both to my delight and frustration sometimes, he is definitely a boy. He loves to show off his new "cool tricks" (usually a jump and twist of some sort), and loves to make his cars go as fast and as loud as they possibly can. I guess anything that can be made to go fast or loud (and that's pretty much anything) goes really fast and really loud. I've been working a lot this year on separating misbehavior or too silly behavior from just being a boy behavior. It's sometimes difficult for me as I enjoy a fairly quiet house, but I truly don't want to stifle his growth and development. I guess we always want what's best for our kids, and I'm constantly trying to figure out what that is with him. Luckily he also really loves some quiet activities as well. He can spend hours with books and puzzles and loves to create with his legos (which then because items to move around as loud and fast as possible, haha).

So today my son is 5. I can only imagine what this next year will bring as we start kindergarten in the fall (looking forward to being a help in his class, not looking as forward to the amounts of homework I've heard about); staring soccer again (this time on an actual team); and just continuing to grow and develop into who is going to be. All I know is that I love his kid so very, very much. And in all the goods, the not so goods, and what sometimes feels like the downright bads, I couldn't imagine a life without him, and know that I am so fortunate and blessed to call Joshua my son and to be his Mommy.

Joshua celebrating with his sister.

My handsome birthday boy.

Yummy!

Cupcakes provided by Sugar Sugar Cakery. www.sugarsugarcakery.com