It's amazing how quickly one can go from feeling great to feeling like crap. This roller coaster ride with my life is getting really old. I don't expect perfection, but I'd really like a little clarity and ease of...progression with my life. I just want to know where I'm going.
Professionally I really feel a little lost. I want to be where I'm at, but then I don't. I like what I do, but then I don't. I get excited about something but then there seems to be roadblock after roadblock. I just need some clarity in what I'm truly supposed to be doing. But I don't know how to find that clarity. And I'm tired of being broke!
And right now I'm just so frustrated with my boy. These past few days have been really tough. I think it's more frustrating now because we had so many great days and I know they're not gone and it's just a stage (mostly due to the re-emergence of his biomom visiting again), but this current never ending stream of anxiety, purposeful agitation, hyperness, and all around crazed behavior is making me batty! Add to it an extreme amount of feeling bad over catching him in the eye with the door (it ended up not looking as bad as I thought, but still! My boy ended up with a bit of a black eye because of me! UGH!) and then tonight he just chooses to have a bad bedtime (actually announces that he is going to have a bad night), and I am just at my wits end. I want to cry but try not to show him that, because I don't know if it'll make it worse of possibly help.
And I'm tired of being alone, and having everyone say how easy it should be to meet someone. Please, if someone knows the secret, lay it on me, because right now, I don't know even know how to go about this. I've had no luck so far, and don't know what to do about it. I don't want to be alone forever (I know I'm being overly dramatic about it right now...I'm aware) but I just feel so lonely. Especially when I'm struggling with the kids, because I'd love to have someone to lean on and share this with.
Anyway, I don't know anything right now...but I guess I'll just have to accept that for now.
Crispy & Juicy Air Fryer Chicken Legs
10 hours ago
2 comments:
Thanks Gina. I wrote this post in a moment of absolute...distress. I'm going to try really hard to lean on the Lord, but it's been hard. I know he's got a plan for me, I just wish I could see more of what it's about.
Gina, isn't it an amazing song. It's my theme song right now. Please pray for Joshua...that whatever is causing his extreme and chaotic meltdowns and feelings will stop. Right now, I honestly don't know how much more I can take. Thanks.
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