Signs

There's this sandwich shop I go to (quite often) that has this plain, sort of beat up sign that says, "If you're looking for a sign from God, here it is." Every time I see that I sort of chuckle because that's what I want. A clear and easy to understand message from God...to ME! I want to know and feel and understand that I'm hearing from or have heard from God, and that I'm doing it right, or doing what he wants me to do, or hearing what I'm supposed to be hearing. But so often, it does not happen that way. There are urgings and longings in my heart and spirit. Messages given through other people saying EXACTLY what I need to hear. Finding that perfect passage in the Bible (and then wondering if I'm reading it right or screwing it up). And then there's me. I often feel as if, no matter how clear He is, I'm never sure if I'm hearing right, and I double guess myself and wait upon things and keep waiting for "the sign". But what is this sign?

I have joked in the past that God should use those large billboards and as people pass by it flashes and says, "Micaela! Do this...!!" And each believer would see their message and their steps each time as they pass them. But, alas, I've learned that that's not how it works. It's so much more often in the small, subtle things that God reveals Himself and His plan to me. But I just don't seem to get it sometimes (most times) and then I get so frustrated with myself (and God) because I wonder why He isn't talking to me. But it's not that He's not talking to me, it's just that I'm so busy trying to figure things out for myself that I can't hear Him! And then I get more frustrated/lost/lonely that they cycle continues.

Until I STOP! Just stop, and listen. Or sometimes just stop and be honest with God about how I'm feeling. Then, it seems, I am making room for God to speak to me so that I can hear. And show me the signs that I'm needing to hear as well.

For instance, as I talked about in my previous post, I'm making plans, and working towards moving forward with my private practice. I've had people join me in prayer and I've tried to pray more/better about it too. I was excitedly sharing with some my plans, because in talking to a spiritual mentor/friend of mine she helped me to understand that being prayerful about something does not necessarily mean you aren't proactive about it. God will open or shut doors to point you along the way. So I was doing that, completing applications, talking to my designer friend about cards/letterhead, etc. And then I mentioned my plans to one of the in charge folks and their response was not what I expected and indicated that there might be an issue with utilizing the office for it. Most of my plan hinges on this, and I was going to have to wait about a week to find out so then I starting questioning if I had been going down the wrong path. Is this a no from God? And the only thing I could do was be patient. I'm SOOOO not good with the patience thing. And my version of patience includes creating dozens of scenarios and outcomes and now whats (told you I wasn't good at it). But then it happened. I got the sign and it seemed pretty clear to me.

I received an email that there would be no problem with the office space they just needed to be added to my insurance (which I thought would be impossible since it's my professional insurance) but I called my company and they said no problem, emailed me the form, emailed me the pay on line info, and I should receive my updated certificate today by email. So easy. Also, the same day all of this was happening, I received 3, yes 3, referrals for new clients and I've already set up a session for next week. Oh, and my other job, the one I'm keeping called and said they could possibly use a few more hours from me. What I was hoping for! CRAZY!! But so exciting!!

So now I'm finalizing my plans for termination at my current job, will give notice in two weeks (after my vacation) with an end date of 09/30 (I want to give them as much time as possible, and I want to finish my accreditation process for a training I was part of and my test date is the end of September). And I'm continuing my application process for Medi Cal and insurances, setting my schedule for my other job, and starting to take some clients. Wow, I can't believe I'm actually doing this.

But...it seems that the signs are there. Thanks God.