Choices

Life is all about choices. From the simple to the complex, ultimately you have to make a choice and go from there. There are some choices that are irreversible, and others that can always be adjusted, but nothing can happen in life without making that initial choice.

Over the last few years I feel my life has been one continual cycle of choices followed by periods of refining the choice, followed by uncertainty, or even regret, about the choice, followed by another choice, etc., etc. I've been waiting for a period of 'rest' or that feeling of being comfortable in my choice. That feeling has been elusive, but I feel like I've found, if not the entire feeling, a piece of that feeling.

It's been just shy of a month since I quit my job. I've been working part time as a clinical supervisor and loving it more now than before. Since I'm not so chaotically busy, I can have time to focus and prep for each supervision session and really be the type of supervisor I've always wanted to be. Additionally, I've realized the absolute joy of being able to have more time to spend with my kids.


It's interesting, because I now pick them up after their naps (between 2-3) each day and love the difference the extra hour or two makes in our days. I have time to cook, time to rest, time to play with them (although I've realized I don't necessarily want to play with them every extra minute we have) and time to just be. It's lead me to the realization that this is what I want. I may not be able to be a fully stay at home mom (which is okay since I'd probably have them in school/care part time anyway) but I definitely want to be able to be home with them once school is out. Joshua starts Kindergarten next year and will be getting out at 2:45 each day and my commitment (God willing) is to be able to pick him up from school every day and be home with him and to continue that throughout their education. I want to be able to be a room mom, be part of the PTA, etc., etc.


This morning I was able to enjoy the results of these choices as I participated as a room helper for Samantha's Harvest Parade (pictures to come). I was and am so happy to have been free to be there, to not have to rush off to work, to plan to be going back this afternoon for the party. And next week I get to participate in Joshua's field trip to the Santa Ana zoo. I finally feel that sense of comfort and peace in where I'm at. I am SO grateful and thankful.


I was able to refinance the house and roll some debt (home equity, school debt) into it and am able to save quite a bit each month. Next year, I'll be able to pay off my car, and it's so exciting. We're living on quite a bit less, and we're sacrificing certain things, but the benefits so out way any possible negatives. Each day I'll be faced with choices that will either enhance or detract from our lifestyle, but I am okay and excited about that because I know my kids are more than worth it.


I finally made a choice. And I feel happy.