Catching up

It's 4 months and 4 days until Christmas.

What?!? Can someone tell me where this year went? I clearly remember the year starting and the long list of things that I was going to do and progress I was going to make. And yet, here I am, almost at the end of the year and I can't quite figure out what I've done and if I've made that progress I wanted to.

Professionally I know I've both fallen behind and moved ahead. Technically, I don't really have a job right now. I get paid for 10 hours a week of supervision for a foster family agency and that's about it. I will start as an adjunct professor in two weeks and will teach two classes and provide about 5 hours of supervision this fall. But looking at the budget, it still won't pull in what I think I need to cover it all. And yet, I'm not really looking for anything else. I'll probably get a roommate (add to the budget) and continue to be a foster parent (subtract from or maintain the budget) and yet, I 'm not completely worried. And that is what worries me. I don't know if I'm in the middle of a surge in faith or if I'm just being an idiot.

I continue to have great plans to complete the applications for accepting insurances and medi cal for my private practice, and yet I don't. I have them, I know what I need to do, but I don't do it. I've always said that this is the direction I want to go in, but if that's the case, why haven't I? I think it's this questionable lack of motiviation that's driving me crazy. It's not a 'I'm depressed and don't want to do anything' issue, but more of a, I can't find that thing that stirs my passion and interest. My plan is to complete the applications I have by the second week of September. There! I've set another date. Let's see what I do with it.

As for teaching...it's one of those things that I question the world and ask, "who said I could be a teacher?" But then is anybody truly anything until they've done it? I had great confidence in my skills as a therapist, and knew that I could do that. I never questioned it. But teaching...it's wierd because I know that I know what I'm doing, but I'm not totally sure I can explain what I'm doing. And going back to reading text books...ugh! But the little secret of teaching is that the teacher has to read too. So I will. This weekend I will focus on reading text books and developing lesson plans (again, who said I could do that?) and preparing to, if not wow, at least stir the interest of my students.

I just completed most of the work on redoing my bathroom. It's pretty great, just last minute touches to be done. I'm frustrated with the workmen right now, because they don't run as organized or as scheduled as I would like them to be. This is someone I know from church, so I don't want to be as direct about it as I think the situation requires, so I'm really the responsible party if it doesn't get done in the timely manner it should be, right?

I've also just redone the room I will use for my foster children. I love it, especially because I (along with help from Mr. Z) did all the work. It's an amazing sense of satisfaction to complete something youself. It's very much an IKEA room (furniture, bedding, curtains, etc. are from there) and that throws me off a little. I'm not usually such a matchy-matchy decorative person, but I think it's cute and welcoming for the children. Of course during the week when I was working on all this I got three calls for little girls (I so want some girls) but had to say no (no bathtub or bed...what can I do?) and was so disappointed. And then I finish everything and this week, no calls yet at all. I know God's prepping me for the one (or two) he will place, but I am anxiously and excitely waiting. I wish I could share them when they come, but as foster children, I will have to limit how much I say and posting of pictures (not that I'm entirely sure how to do that anyway).

Finally, I feel like I'm writing tons, but I just felt like I had a lot to say (to the all of 1 who may read this), buy I digress... Anyway, I recently joined eharmony. Yup, I finally decided that I was ready to enter the world of dating and relationships. After being in one relationship for 18 years with one person, I'm not sure I even know what a date should or will be. I was in high school when I began my last relationship and who really 'dates' in high school. I'm flooded with questions...where we'll go, what to wear, when to kiss...it goes on and on. And the guys whose profiles I've been sent...well, some are good, some are bad and most are just okay. But it doesn't matter who I'm sent, actually, it's really all about who requests communication. I'm not at the point where I'm comfortable requesting communication with others, so I'm at the mercy of whoever wants to communicate with me. I can't say that I'm avidly interested in anyone yet, but I am 'communicating' with a few, mostly for the practice of it. Is that bad? The problem will be, what if it gets to actually being asked out. Do I do just to start doing it? Wait until I'm really interested in someone? Oh boy, this is going to be a lot of work. Some days it's exciting, most days right now, I just feel too busy. I guess I 'll just have to see where it all goes.

Until then...