One Year!!

Today it has been a year since my beautiful children were placed in my life. I remember the first moment I met both of them. Samantha was first, on Friday the 12th of September, and the minute I saw her, I knew she was mine. She was so sweet and interested and observant. I held her at the agency and talked to her and sang to her. She fell asleep in my arms and I was offered the opportunity for her to come home and spend the night with me. I jumped at the chance and she came home and we spent hours just getting to know each other. She met her Papa Z that day and Grandma Maria and Grandpa Phil. I bathed her and fed her and rocked her to sleep. The next morning she was just bright as can be and so joyful. It was so hard to have to send her back to her current home, even knowing she was going to come back in few days.


I met Joshua the following Monday, the 15th of September. He was so serious, but friendly. He was older and could understand a little bit what was happening. Even then he loved to read. We sat on the couch at the agency and read books together and I learned that he is inquisitive and smart and an eager learner. I got to see his beautiful smile and dimples and couldn't wait to get to know him more.


I picked up Samantha from the agency on Wednesday the 17th and felt thrilled to finally be bringing home a baby girl. I had wanted one from the beginning but received boys for placement. I know now, that God was preparing me for my little boy and showing me that I could be a good 'boy mom' just as much as I could be a good 'girl mom'. Driving home with her I felt such a rush of excitement. I had already been told that this was possibly an adoption case and I felt an immediate sense of permanency with her. We got home and settled her stuff into her room and waited for her brother, Joshua (although he was going by Samuel them) to join us. He came and was eager to explore the house and I remember the first time he saw our dog, Cinder, he was excited until she started walking towards him and then he ran to me and put his arms up to be picked up. What a joy to be able to help him feel safe with even such a small thing.

Over the past year I have learned so much about motherhood, love, and acceptance. There has been so much joy in loving these two little gifts from god. There has been some frustration in dealing with the system in which we're placed together. There has been pain in watching them (especially Joshua) have to figure out how to deal with their circumstances and the on-going losses surrounding their biological parents. I have learned that I have both a great deal more and a great deal less of knowledge, patience, and faith than I thought I had. But in all of this I have absolutely fallen in love with my kids and grown closer to God.


Every night I love to peek in on them before I go to sleep, say a quick prayer, and be amazed by these little developing people. Every morning I love to see their bright smiles (okay so it's not every morning, but still...) and feel so blessed to have them as part of my family. To hear Samantha calling out to me, "Mamaaa, mamaaa, mommy, Mama!, Mommy!, Mom! Mom!" as she grows impatient with waiting for me. To see Joshua poke his head out of his room in order to check if it's time to get up and then place his breakfast order, "Mom, today I want pancakes with milk!" To watch them as they bow their heads for prayer and Joshua says, "Thank you for my mom and for my sister. Amen!" I'm just amazed by them. Sometimes totally and completely frustrated, frazzled, and feeling defeated by them, but always amazed and just so blessed by them.

Our next court date is November 2nd, at which point parental rights should be terminated starting the final steps towards adoption finalization. I can't believe have far they've come and how far we've come together. I am so thankful for them and for every friend and family member who has loved them and supported them as we have walked through the past year. And I can't wait to see what the future will bring us!