Daniel Fast: Day 4 (written on day 5)

It's day 4 and I've made it. It's pretty amazing what I've been learning since I started my fast. The first thing, the more trivial thing, which surprised me (and frustrated me) was that I am in fact capable of changing what I eat and showing more control in my diet. I will hold this information tight to use in the future when I find myself struggling with eating and/or exercising issues. Physical discipline IS attainable. I will have no further excuses for why I'm not taking better care of myself physically.

However, the spiritual discipline, the reason I'm truly participating in this fast is more difficult. As much as I want to be closer to God and hear more from Him, I think that close, intimate relationship can feel hard, impossible to attain, and even scary. What if He shows me more than I'm prepared for? What if He tells me something I don't want to hear? What if I don't hear from Him at all? And how? How do I pray more? Read the Bible more? Understand more of what God wants me to be aware of? And what if I do it...shh...wrong?

But what I've learned in the 4 days that I've been doing this fast is that God is completely tuned into me and my needs. He knows exactly where I am and what I need to hear from Him. Everyday this week I have become aware of something he wants me to know. Whether it be through a conversation with a friend or near stranger, a book I'm reading, the completion of projects or journeys I've been waiting for, I'm suddenly seeing and hearing things from God that are so exciting. And it's not because God finally decided to talk to me, but it's because I've finally decided to stop and listen. And although I know I'm still not listening as fully as I can, praying as often as I should, and spending time in the Bible as much as I could, God knows my spirit. He truly knows that my spirit is longing for Him and for more of Him and He's using this fast to increase my sensitivity to Him so that I can grow confident in my ability to more truly hear from Him and trust Him and lead the life He truly wants for me. I am so thankful for this fast and these lessons. What will God show me next?

This was a difficult blog to write because I was also writing it for the blog my church is posting and there's all these thoughts about who's going to read it, etc., etc. And I missed writing last night. Interesting.